Before I begin, I’ll start off by saying that by no means is any couple perfect, we all have imperfections and flaws but that’s what makes you unique as a couple.
Albert and I have been together now for 14 years, and married for 10 of those years. I’ve talked about how we’ve been through our hardest years yet and we made it! Now, we’re at this stage in our life that is testing our marriage yet again. Dealing with Alberts back injury has been tough on the whole family to say the least. He’s been on disability since June 2018, so our main stream of income has been dependent on my full time job. The stress of worrying and wondering if everything was going to workout, has definitley taken it’s tole on us.
A couple weeks ago, we found ourselves arguing, mostly about money, except it was disguised as a total meaningless fight. When we realized how stupid the fight was, we had our share of laughter, how could you not laugh off a ridiculous argument? When we broke down the argument, it mainly had to do with money, $6.50 to be exact. Yup, that’s how petty it got.
I’m gonna share some of our tips that we use to get through these hard times as we like call it. It’s important to realize that being proactive in your marriage is what separates your marriage from others who feel that their marriage doesnt need work, and that “we’re fine”. I know this first hand because we were that couple, looked “perfect on the outside“ but we were struggling, and not one of us would speak up and admit that we needed help.
1. Pick Your Battles
Not every argument is worth insuing, sometimes letting your pride go, and not chasing a verbal fight will save you from an apology down the road. Sometimes it’s about letting a topic go, for example, when you walk into the bathroom and see the toilet see up. As women, our first reaction is yelling, first the name of our spouse and then any angry words that might spill out of our mouths. I’m guilty of this, and I sometimes catch myself doing it. I have to remember that my spouse isn’t perfect and I shouldn’t hold him to those standards, because you’ll be disappointed when he forgets to put the toilet seat down, or mixes the dirty clothes with the clean.
2. Say You’re Sorry!
Okay, so you didnt pick your battle and now sitting on the couch angry at him, because he just doesn’t understand. Yup, been there! The fact of the matter is, your husband is probably in the garage groveling over the same thing. The only difference? Us women expect our man to come back to us and say sorry. It’s time to woman up and go say sorry first, because more than likely you‘ve done something to contribute to the fight. Raising your voice, being unreasonable, believe me you can find something to apologize for. Doing this sets the tone, and your husband will be more than happy to apologize in return. Kiss it out, hug it out and laugh it out!
3. Communicate
Gone are the days where women give their spouse the silent trement, leaving him to wonder what he did wrong. If your still doing this, it’s time to grow up and use your words. If you’re seriously hurt by something your spouse has said or done, your not helping the problem by putting more strain and conflict within the situation. Imagine if the roles were reversed, going over every little thing you said, didnt say, did, didn’t do. The list could go on, but my point is, its not okay to hold someone accountable for something and then not give them the opportunity to apologize, or to explain themselves. Marriage is about both of you, both of your feelings matter. Simply telling your spouse that you are; hurt, upset, disappointed, whatever feeling that is present and explaining why. Once you’ve had the opportunity to express your feelings, it’s your spouses turn to share theirs. This exchange should happen without interruption and without judgement. Remember, if you‘re feeling hesistant about saying how you feel than maybe you need to have a professional step in and help with this process. You should always feel comfortable to open up with your spouse, and if you don’t thats a good reason to seek help.
4. Find a Common Passion
Through the years of being married both you and your spouse will change, eveything from what you like to do, to your interests and your personality. Its perfectly normal, and yet sometimes this is the main reason why marraiges end in divorce, they call it irreconcilable differences. Sometimes you’ll find yourselves spending more time apart, or just not spending the time that you do have together. Take the time to find something you’ll both love to do, maybe it’s working out together, starting up a side business, going on walks together, anything that brings you two together for quality bonding time. Even during our busiest days, it’s the evenings my husband and I spend laying in bed before we go to sleep, talking about our day, laughing, and enjoying ourselves.
5. Keep the Spark Alive
This is really weird for me to write about, so just know that I really want your marraige to be successful and thats why I’m doing this. Usually the spark in a marraige comes back to sex. For me, I’m always tired and I roll over and go to sleep. These are some juicy secrets that I use to keep myself from not rolling over and going to sleep. Read... say what Lizzie? Yeah girl! Pick out a romance book, with dirty little provocative moments, and find yourself feeling a little frisky! For me, I felt a little weird reading these kind of books, like I was doing something wrong, but it really boosted my sex drive! Next, watch a movie! I’m not talking porn, I just can’t. I’m talking movies like 50 Shades of Grey, that I can get on board with. Pick up magazines like Cosmo, or other similar ones, I can’t always agree to everything they offer advice on, but your bound to find
something. Last, but not least, plan some surprises, nothing makes us more excited than planning a surprise! Light some candles, make a yummy dinner, put on a sexy little outfit and be adventurous with it.
6. Dont Be Afraid to Ask For Help
So you’ve done everything on the list and yet your marraige is still struggling? Maybe it’s time to call a professional, I talked about this before, and I’m dead serious about it. While, therapists and counselors do cost money, and they're becoming high in demand, meaning it could be difficult to find one that has openings or is taking new patients. Marraige conselors
are worth every penny, and sometimes it can hard to get a spouse on board with it. It is possible that your spouse could feel like you don’t need counseling, or that they don’t want another person involved with their marraige, or that they don’t work. These are all common reactions, but just remember you have a marraige that’s worth more than anything, even our own ego.
I hope some of these tips helped, this is what I’ve learned from our own personal marraige counselor, and have implemented in our to day life. Of course, we do have our days where we argue over petty things, but its bound to happen once in the while. That’s really the goal, to lessen the amount of fights and bring you closer together as a couple. It won’t happen over night, but just keep working at it.
happy days,
Liz ❤️